Toad in Super Mario Bros

Is Toad The Ultimate Creep?

Nintendo

Toad is a creep.

Think about it for a second.

Done? OK, good, now here’s the point: How else did this tiny bastard know that Princess Peach was in another castle in the original Super Mario Bros.? To be fair, maybe he was just able to trek across the worlds and through the castles quicker than Mario and was waiting there to tell his plumber pal what was going on. Also, seeing how they introduced different Toad-like characters over the years, it’s very possible that there were multiple Toads just chilling in the castles.

How did they evade Bowser though? Did they just hide somewhere like cowards while the big green dragon-like beast kidnapped Peach and moved her from one castle to the next?

All right, I get it, I’m reading way too much into the Super Mario Bros. narrative—OR AM I?!

There is something extremely unnerving about running into Toad at the end of each castle until you finally save the princess after defeating Bowser once and for all. Well, for that game, at least.

Was Toad really just messing with all of us? I mean, look at this photo and try and think differently!

The little jerk is actually flipping everyone off while we clench our jaws and move on to the next series of levels before inevitably RUNNING INTO THE SAME PUNK! What if Toad was actually behind all of the kidnappings? He clearly knew how to get to where Peach was located in each castle, so what was stopping him from moving her from one castle to the next and then running back to tell Mario, “Hey thanks but…”

If that’s true, he definitely had the smarts to get a bunch of Bowser’s cronies in on the action, though they of course weren’t smart, fast, or tough enough for our red garb-wearing hero. Hell, this concept opens up the doors to introduce the multiple-Toad idea. If Toad was more of a race of beings than just some half-naked guy, then clearly he could have set up the whole operation to fool Mario—AND ALL OF US.

Or it’s just the fact that Toad was smart enough to avoid running into Bowser and really was hanging out in the castle, waiting for Mario to come through before giving him the bad news. It was nice of him to say “Thank you” after all. He could have just said, “Sorry,” and shrugged his shoulders while adding that Peach was elsewhere. Then again, the apology could be some two-faced bullshit move to get everyone to think he’s really sorry, but he’s not.

But I digress. Everyone else who thinks Toad is a creep, say “aye” and let me know in the comments. Do the same if you disagree, but tell me why. I’d love to know. Also, let me know if you’re also looking forward to his new game, Captain Toad Treasure Tracker, that drops later this year on Wii U.